It's getting better, kinda

So Anahi is still not sleeping through the night. But its more my fault then hers, I can't let her cry it out, even though this would be the only way to get sleep. Things are better, she still gets up a few times a night for a few seconds...typically I have to put her pacifier back in & she's fine. And she has, as of late, in the last week started to get up once at night instead of every 3-4 hours.

Still sucks that I can't get my daughter in her own bed, although, I do like sleeping with her. I like knowing she is close to me. My husband & I still have a great intimate life. Same situation happened with my older daughter & I did get her into her own bed by the time she was 3 & she never came back. So, my hope is that I can do this with Anahi. I just feel as though she's only going to be this young for a little while, I want to savor every minute of it for as long as I can.

Alessandra grew up so FAST, right in front of me. I just can't get over the truth about how fast it goes. This time with Anahi I want to try to treasure it, as this is what Alessandra has helped to teach me. I even take the same approach with her, even though she's 9, I still want to savor her as she is.

Savor it moms & dads...if this is your first child I can't impress this upon you enough. Even though I am not sleeping as much as I did I love that she's next to me. Cherish it, cherish every little bit. My older daughter went by quick & at the time I thought she was going to stay a baby girl forever, so I didn't really treasure it.

No one is reading, but that's ok.

So I have decided to use this "blog" for me more than anything else & if even one mother stubbles onto & finds that she is not alone in the craziness of motherhood & marriage...the TWO BIG M's...then I have done good.

It's such a balancing act. When I am not with my children I feel guilty. I feel like I should be with them nearly every waking hour, even though my rational brain knows that I need to get some "me-time". If I don't get this time I will go crazier...not crazy, but crazier. As I have come to believe whole heartedly that anyone who chooses motherhood has to be a little on the crazy side. Think about it ---- with motherhood comes: no sleep, no privacy, no alone time, no thank yous, it NEVER ends, no breaks, it takes lots of money, lots of patience, it's no longer ok to be selfish, you have to do everything for them first before you, etc. etc. etc.

But, then you look at your children when they are happy, when they smile, when they laugh, when they are playing, when they sleep, --- all you have to do is LOOK at them & that's it...we're gone. All the above is nothing. As without them we would be nothing. I don't want to EVER go back to my single days, without kids. I like the noise, the chaos, the fact that they need me, really need me, & I want MORE of it. Hopefully I will be blessed with another little trouble maker, it fills my soul.

But, don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind MORE SLEEP. THis is the one thing I really wish I could have from the old days,,,pre-family! LOL, but it won't happen, cause even when they are teens then adults I will be waiting up to make sure I hear them come in safely from being out, or when they are adults I will wait for the call to know they are home safe. I don't think any parent will EVER sleep like they once did. Oh well.

Feeling down - do I share it with my hubby?

Ok, have you ever had one of those days --- of course you have, let me re-phrase. I am having one of those weekends when I am a bit low. I feel as though there is a flood of problems --- the house is a mess, the baby isn't sleeping, there's never enough money, my husband's annoying me...& it goes on.

You know I have had moments like this, but this one was just a bit harder this time. We are moving in about 3 weeks, so I know this has to be the reason I am feeling this way. Just not sure if I should talk to my husband about it or not. I know that I can tell him anything & I typically do, but lately he's been going through some things at work & so I don't want to cause more weight on his back.

So, the question is to tell or not to tell? Ahhh Shakespeare, he'd never know how he's words would come to be used so easily on almost every instance of life. It's a juggling act -- this thing called marriage. One minute you are blissful, the next stressful, the next annoyed.

What doesn't help is that I am loosing hair like you wouldn't believe. Gosh, no one tells you about some of the hiccups that come with children & marriage. It's a secret? Why don't women share this with one another? So, I did not have this problem, at least not to this extent, with my first child. I lost some hair, as is natural -- I mean my body just went through a major change. I was for 9 months pregnant with raging hormones & then suddenly I wasn't. So, I lost some hair, but this time I am loosing hair like crazy! It's everywhere. My daughter has it all over her, I find it all over my hands, in the bed, on the floor, you name it. I looked it up & found that MANY women go through the same thing and it can last for 6 MONTHS!!

WHY! Why do we have to endure so much? Stupid question I know, but I can't help but ask it now & again. I look at her & I say --- I would do it again & again for her. There's no question. I just can't believe that women are as amazing as we are. I don't mean to toot our own horns, but we are amazing. Men, you really need to realize. But, men you are pretty amazing too. My husband does so much...he really does. And he never seems to get too tired. Me on the other hand I am exhausted all the time.

Anyway back to the question. I am going to tell him. He makes me feel better, he always does. He's just amazing like that.